Life or something like it
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Friday, November 26, 2004
Happy thanksgiving. I"m thankful for a lot of things though not much at the moment.
I love my sister to death,and i love it when she comes around, but i feel like i'm two steps behind everyone when she's here. Now,as muc as i hate to admit it, i am jealous of her. Mom's so proud of her, and Erika really is a better person than i am. She's everythnig i wish i could be; she's everything mom wishes i could be. Mom supports me in everything i do, she wants me to be my own person, but i should have the same morals and virtues as her. I guess i resent the fact that i can't go to Shi'Kays and get plastered with the two of them. Instead i'm left in the house for 5 lonely hours, no means of communication, all i hear is the sounds of the cats fighting in the background; and the enevitable fact that the rest of the world is havinhg a grand ol' time.
I don't feel like myself lately though. It seems like everything is going wrong, even though nothing really IS wrong. I worry about school, i worry about j.c., i have these stupid ungovernable fears lately. I think it's because of that stupid Critical Thinking class. I never paid too much attention to the world, but when you hear about it everyday, it scares me. I'm scared of getting sick with some incurable crazy bioterrorism disease, i;m scared of war, i'm scared of losing my grandparents, i'm scared of losing my dad, i hate my self everytime i fight with someone and don't make ammends, i think "what if i never see them again". It's driving me crazy.
I feel like such a burden telling people my problems, i figure they don't need to know. But when i need to tell someone something. Take Felicia for example, the other day, i was all mopey, and she asked me what was the matter, so i go to tell her she starts to listen then starts yelling across the classroom to alison. See? She really doesn't care, she really doesn't want to know what's the matter. But she also doesn't want to go around with the guilt of knowing she left hr friend alone to cry. It's just for their own staisfaction.
But i'm sick of it. And i distance myself form everyone, and i'm scared that when these what should be insignificant problems (but aren't) go away... will my friends still be there.
I figure no one even knows me, and i don't know any one else either. Everyone one knows whats on the surface, and thats all there is to me... but it's not. I don't know anyone else cuz no one ever tells me anything. Chaun especially, and i ahte that. It my biggest pet peeve where someone goes "oh guess what i did!" i ask what and they're like" Oh i can't tell you". Fuck you, you shouln't have even brought it up! Chaun does that ALL the TIme!!!
I hate this season, i'm just gonna blame all this on the weather. Cold and gloomy, just like me.
Current mood:  lonely Current music: scars, papa roach
Thursday, October 28, 2004
I'm waiting for the metaphoric shit to hit the fan. i had a fabulous day. JOhnny was as sweet as pie. i got to show that slut racoon Barbara up by making out in front of her locker, ( which was a complete coinicdence, hand to god). I got an ok report card. I got a D in geometry, but that was to be expected. I got a mother fucking C in Biology!!!!! Mr. WOlting is a sexist dooshbag nazi, and gave me a c. stupid ass. oh well, 9 more weeks and i'm outta there.
I'm scaring myself....i am unenduribly in love with john, on certain days, and i am seriously crushing on
Ricky, who gives me mixed messages. (hehe, today he was checking out Rose's ass). I need to fix it fast or i'm gonna end up doing something i'll regret later, either i'll kiss ricky, and be totally off base with him, or i'll break up with john and want him back in a week. I have to fix it. I am actually getting over RIcky, cuz i think he enjoys his drama way too much, cuz he keeps telling me this stupid shit about john.
Jane you so suck, Ms.Ellis called my house and told my mom, about my little bust up in class today, she's gonna think i was high or something, hahahaha.
I need to find something to occupy my time at home, i feel like i'm going nuts.
Ineed a job, i need a car. i need a life.
ttfn
Current mood:  crazy Current music: fall to pieces/ velvet revolver
I don't know if her intentions were things she's done in her life, or in a weekend ...you never know with jane but my spin is things you've done in a life.
from jane's journal
[x] been drunk.
[x] smoked pot.
[x] smooched a member of the opposite sex.
[x] made out with a member of the opposite sex.
[ ] done more things with a member of the opposite sex.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x]been dumped.
[x] gotten your heart broken.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[x] had a job.
[x] been in a fist fight.
[x] snuck out of your parent's house. (sort of)
[x] been arrested.
[ ] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] smoked a cigarette.
[x] gone on an airplane by yourself.
[ ] broken a bone.
[x] had sex in a car.
[x] White lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x] taken caffiene pills.
[x] been to disney world.
[x] had a crush on someone you hardly knew.
[x] been to california.
[x] been skinny dipping.
[x] regretted something.
[x] peed on someones lawn.
[x] skipped school.
[x]thrown up from drinking.
[ ]lost your sibling.
[x] smooched a member of the same sex.
[x] made out with a member of the same sex.
[x] done more things with a member of the same sex.
[x] been in a car accident. (not a bad one though)
[x] partied for days and days straight.
[x] stayed up all night with a friend.
[x] had a family member die.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[x] dropped xtasy.
[x] been cheated on.
[x] had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[x] had a threesome.
[ ] had a quinceanera.hahaha
[x] have a car.
[x] drove.
[x] had a conversation with a police officer
[ ] had grey hair
[x] done prank phone calls.
Do you...
[x] have a crush.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have a cat.
[x] have your own room.
[ ] listen to GLASSJAW!
[x] paint your nails.
[x] play a sport.
[x] play more than one sport.
[x] watch sports on tv.
[x] have a fav. group/singer/artist.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[x] get good grades.occasionally
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[ ] cyber.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[ ] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.
[ ] want a girl friend
Are you...
[x] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] ok.
[ ] bored.
[x] happy.
[x] bilingual. ...quadlingual
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican/puerto rican.
[ ] asian.
[x] short.
[ ] tall.
[x] down to earth.
[x] sick.
[x] lazy.
[ ] scared to die.
[x] sleepy.
[ ] annoyed.
[ ] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[x] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[ ] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[ ] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic.
[ ] racist.
[ ] Emo.
[x] in love ...with my friends
[x] recovering from heart break
[x] straight
[ ] bisexual
[ ] gay
[x] friendly
[x] known in your area.
[x] considered "normal" ... if by normal you mean crazy than yes
Current mood: giggly Current music: TrulyMadlyDeeply
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longpastgone's journal